Sunday, July 26, 2015

The Sad Story of Tik Tok the Half Human

My favorite orc pic. She's beautiful. By Jang Keun-Chul

S:19 D:14 C:18 I:5 W:11 Ch: 14
5th Level Half Orc Fightress

She don't remember much. 

She's a Gal-Aktar Gal. Mountains. Orcs. Hollering. Bloodshed. Was good with bloodshed. Knows enough to know that she doesn't know much, and that's how they got her. That other orc tribe. Killed her people, all the rest. Tricked them. Enslaved her. Tortured her, too. "Tik Tok" they mocked, like Time was running out. She didn't understand. Time has legs? Too many things in her head.

But she knows this: she's the Last One. Which is why she's King. Just a King with out a tribe. But one day there will be a new tribe. It's just up to her to make it. So she's here for fame, fortune, and family. First you get the money. Then you get the power. Then you get the woman. Man. Whatever. She misses Gwynn. He made everything make sense. Would have been a good Queen.

But Gwynn has gone. Now everything bad is now worse. Found a tribe. Lost it. Hard being King! Too hard for Tik Tok. So much thinking. Tik Tok no good at thinking. Tik Tok no good at kinging either. Stupid crown. Tik Tok throw stupid crown in the sea. Stupid Sea. Stupid Tik Tok.

There was a dragon. There is a war. Tik Tok not sure who's fighting. Tik Tok not sure who she's fighting for. Tik Tok so.... Tik Tok not sure what Tik Tok is any more. Tik Tok thought she was King. Stupid Tik Tok.

Tik Tok like this beer though. Beer good. Tik Tok drink lots of beer. Tik Tok feel better. Tik Tok can't hear them any more. Humans nasty. Just as nasty as orcs. Half-orc they shout. Go away Half-orc.

Tik Tok half-human too. But no-one ever calls her that.

Tik Tok wonder what halflings really are. Tik Tok wonder what lings are.

Tik Tok wonder. Why life so shit? Life shit on Tik Tok from great height ever since she remember, which is at least three weeks ago. Maybe ever four.

Tik Tok have great axe though. Life not all shit. Axe make Tik Tok happy. Can't Tik Tok just be happy? Axe make Tik Tok very happy. Maybe Tik Tok swing Axe all the time. Make Tik Tok always happy.

Rules say Tik Tok not allowed to swing axe all the time.

Tik Tok mad. Stupid rules. Gwynn make Tik Tok happy too. Tik Tok swing Gwynn all the time! Only... Gwynn gone.

Tik Tok sad again. Beer not working anymore.

Stupid beer.

Stupid Tik Tok.