The Sad Story of Tik Tok the Half Human

My favorite orc pic. She's beautiful. By Jang Keun-Chul

S:19 D:14 C:18 I:5 W:11 Ch: 14
5th Level Half Orc Fightress

She don't remember much. 

She's a Gal-Aktar Gal. Mountains. Orcs. Hollering. Bloodshed. Was good with bloodshed. Knows enough to know that she doesn't know much, and that's how they got her. That other orc tribe. Killed her people, all the rest. Tricked them. Enslaved her. Tortured her, too. "Tik Tok" they mocked, like Time was running out. She didn't understand. Time has legs? Too many things in her head.

But she knows this: she's the Last One. Which is why she's King. Just a King with out a tribe. But one day there will be a new tribe. It's just up to her to make it. So she's here for fame, fortune, and family. First you get the money. Then you get the power. Then you get the woman. Man. Whatever. She misses Gwynn. He made everything make sense. Would have been a good Queen.

But Gwynn has gone. Now everything bad is now worse. Found a tribe. Lost it. Hard being King! Too hard for Tik Tok. So much thinking. Tik Tok no good at thinking. Tik Tok no good at kinging either. Stupid crown. Tik Tok throw stupid crown in the sea. Stupid Sea. Stupid Tik Tok.

There was a dragon. There is a war. Tik Tok not sure who's fighting. Tik Tok not sure who she's fighting for. Tik Tok so.... Tik Tok not sure what Tik Tok is any more. Tik Tok thought she was King. Stupid Tik Tok.

Tik Tok like this beer though. Beer good. Tik Tok drink lots of beer. Tik Tok feel better. Tik Tok can't hear them any more. Humans nasty. Just as nasty as orcs. Half-orc they shout. Go away Half-orc.

Tik Tok half-human too. But no-one ever calls her that.

Tik Tok wonder what halflings really are. Tik Tok wonder what lings are.

Tik Tok wonder. Why life so shit? Life shit on Tik Tok from great height ever since she remember, which is at least three weeks ago. Maybe ever four.

Tik Tok have great axe though. Life not all shit. Axe make Tik Tok happy. Can't Tik Tok just be happy? Axe make Tik Tok very happy. Maybe Tik Tok swing Axe all the time. Make Tik Tok always happy.

Rules say Tik Tok not allowed to swing axe all the time.

Tik Tok mad. Stupid rules. Gwynn make Tik Tok happy too. Tik Tok swing Gwynn all the time! Only... Gwynn gone.

Tik Tok sad again. Beer not working anymore.

Stupid beer.

Stupid Tik Tok.

A Sky Full of Ork

So I've been edging round Warhammer 40K for a few years now, and finally played my first big ol' battle with some mates. Was fun. Am hooked. I'm gonna go for the Orks, cause they're stupid and hilarious and have ridiculous rules around some of their units that all fit the big risk/big payout style of gaming I like. Plus I'm taken with the Stormboyz - Orks with Rokkits!!!! - and have this silly idea for an army based around as many Stormboyz as I can field - which should be about 60 of the blighters...

Gawd knows where the money's gonna come for all this, but I have the creative itch something bad, and kinda don't want it to go to waste. I also have a bunch of coke bottles lying around, and I think I can make a pretty badass Ork Landa out of them. They're a bit zeppeliny and blobby and if mashed together the right way will (I think) look pretty cool. 

But Coke bottles are really difficult to work with. Polyethylene terephthalate is really hard to glue, it isn't that strong, and paint doesn't adhere to the surface very well. So I've been doing a bit o' research to see if I can make it happen.

Glueing polyethylene terephthalate -  for a bit of cash you can fork out for special plastic glues. I'm yet to test it but that's solved easily enough.

Strength - I'm thinking of using plaster of paris to fill up the insides of the bottles. Interestingly, plaster of paris generates considerable heat - enough to cause third degree burns if you  encase parts of your body in them - but a quick check and I learn Science! Polyethylene terephthalate melts at 250C so should be fine. I also want to add several lengths of PVC piping running through the length of the bottle, as well as sticking out the sides so that I can then have an easier time attaching different bottles together.

Paint -  turns out there's specialist paint for priming polyethylene. Just gotta find out if it works with modeling paints. Which it should, given all GW's minis are, well... plastic.

So yeah. It's still all in my head. But it might just work...