DCC: d100 Weird Urban Occupations

100 slightly more colorful Occupations for your 0-level funnel runners, written up for use over at Purple Sorcerer's character generator.

I haven't provided any racial occupations, I kinda think anyone could be any of these. If it's important to your campaign, roll here:

01-85 Human (or most common race)
86-95 Dwarf (or second most common race)
96-99 Halfling (or third most common race)
100 Elf (or least common race)

d100 WEIRD UBRAN OCCUPATIONS (with weapon and gear)

01 Sweat-milker, Wooden pail (as club), Apron
02 Muck-racker, Crusty rake (as polearm), Soiled smock
03 Slurry-runner, Staff, Thigh-high boots and sweaty rags
04 Limb-strainer, Large bloody sieve (as club), Spare hand
05 Filth-cutter, Scissors (as dagger), Leather smock
06 Wine-walker, Bottle of piss* (as club), Barrel of wine
07 Lick-spitter, Wooden pail (as club), Breath mints
08 Boot-licker, Shoelaces (as garrote), Boot polish and brush
09 Chattel-poker, Prong (as spear), Manacles and key
10 Slug-wrangler, whip (as garrote), Jar of salt 
11 Worm-breeder, Bucket full o' worms* (as club), Fishing hooks and twine
12 Snail-picker, Sack full o' snails* (as blackjack), Bag of rotting lettuce
13 Toad-flicker, Jar of flies* (as sling), Pet toad
14 Boil-maker, Scalpel (as dagger), Jar of infected cultures
15 Mud-farmer, Rake (as polearm), Cart full o' mud and broadrimmed hat
16 Scab-welder, Ritual knife (as dagger), Surgeon's bag and bandages
17 Wood-hacker, Axe, Bundle of wood and scrimshaw
18 Book-burner, Weighty tome (as blackjack), Flint'n'steel and flask of oil
19 Piss-taker, Hose pipe (as garrote), Glass jar
20 Under-strainer, Large sieve (as club), Sewer-trinkets   
21 Skin-weaver, Dagger, Leather-working tools
22 Fancy-prancer, Cane (as club), Outlandish clothing
23 Tongue-dancer, ribbons (as garrote), Vial of hallucinogenic delights
24 Stare-giver, Blackjack, Vial of chloroform 
25 Gift-taker, Hook staff (as spear), Sack o' stolen presents  
26 Crave-digger, Shovel (as short sword), Coat full o' soporific lollies 
27 Sword-breaker, hammer and tongs (as mace), bag o' shattered blades
28 Heckle-smasher, knuckle dusters (as club), Necklace of teeth
29 Weed-killer, Scythe (as dagger), Box o' poisonous concoctions
30 Slack-scratcher, Cat-o'nine-tails (as flail), Book of the law
31 Itch-pricker, Bloody big syringe (as dagger), Nettlejuice
32 Tooth-finder, Dental hammer (as blackjack), Bag o' teeth
33 Mind-blower, Peace-pipe (as blackjack), Bag o' special 'erbs
34 Cutter-sharp, Short sword, Whetstone and leather strap
35 Block-rocker, Sledgehammer (as warhammer), Leather smock
36 Slake-breaker, Water urn* (as club), Soaking rags
37 Flesh-knitter, Sewing needles (as dart), Healing salves 
38 Swoon-bender, Bottle of plonk* (as club), Aphrodisiacs
39 Flea-bagger, Sheetbeater (as club), Jar of noxious fumigants
40 Rat-chandler, Dagger, Chest o' rats and wax and wicks
41 Cat-nipper, Dead cat (as blackjack), catnip and box o' mice
42 Snog-ripper, Metal teeth (as dagger), Collection of lips 
43 Fog-bearer, Censer and chain (as flail), Box o' incense
44 Whisp-worder, Smoking pipe (as dagger), Book o' disturbing tales
45 False-herder, Hefty icon (as club), Book o' names
46 Sluice-stepper, Grapple hook, (as handaxe), Thigh-high boots
47 Prattle-corker, Ball gag (as garrote), Black hood
48 Thorn-plucker, Secateurs (as dagger), Bag o' bigass thorns
49 Shit-stirrer, Crusty paddle (as club), Galoshes 
50 Lard-slapper, Massive spatula (as club), Tub o' man-fat
51 Grub-slopper, Large Ladle (as club), Stained apron
52 Face-caulker, Whopping big syringe (as dagger), Vials o' congealing ichors
53 Gland-clapper, Long reachy forceps (as club), Bottles o' disenfectant
54 Corpse-bolter, Wooden stake (as dagger), Hammer and nails
55 Root-plucker, Shovel (as axe), Basket o' taters
56 Slop-chopper, Butcher's knife (as dagger), Tub o' gristle 
57 Slave-grinder, Flesh grater (as long sword), Bucket o' manmeat
58 Purse-biter, Curved knife (as dagger), Pouches with 3d6 coins 
59 Tramp-lighter, Torch (as club), Flint'n'steel and flask of oil   
60 Chin-wagger, Pub-darts (as dart), Pouch o' smokes and rollies
61 Gorm-brewer, Tankard (as blackjack), Barrel of ale 
62 Strife-stewer, Short sword, Molotov cocktail and seditionist literature
63 Art-choker, Garotte, Tome with collection of terrible artists
64 Plot-smoker, Quill (as dart), Book of scribblings and smoking pipe
65 Sludge-kludger, Iron muckmold (as club), Filthy apron
66 Star-groper, Old spyglass* (as club),  Astrographical gazeteer 
68 Taint-stripper, Talismanic quarterstaff (as staff), tin skullcap
69 Tongue-twister, Iron tongs (as club), Bag o' hot coals  
70 Goad-worker, Motivation stick (as club), Rump-kicking boots
71 Tar-dripper, Large brush (as blackjack), Tub o' sticky stuff 
72 Bloat-herder, Flensing spade (as polearm), Chum bucket
72 Clan-sacker, Club, Sack full of sacks
73 Book-creeper, Sheperd's crook (as staff), Ledger of neighbor's offences
74 Shrine-sweeper, Broom (as staff), religulous trinkets  
75 Wit-fighter, Quill (as dart), Book of Pith 
76 Hue-chimer, Gong and Bell (as club), buckets of paint 
77 Bile-driver, Bronze rod (as club), Greasy ironwood funnel and peppers
78 Chide-winder, Brushpole (as staff), Bucket of sin-marking housepaint
79 Chug-dealer, Pewter tankard (as blackjack), Stolen barrel o' beer
80 Thug-squealer, Spoon-shiv (as dagger), Hair wax
81 Sigh-roller, Dagger, bag o' coin and anti-depressant concoction
82 Meat-brawler, Side of meat (as club), Leather apron
83 Street-crawler, Stiletto (as dagger), eyeopenin' getup.
84 Key-hugger, Dagger, Locksmith's kit and wax-imprint kit
85 Scroll-drudger, Letter-opener (as dagger), Collection of scrolls in cases
86 Number-cruncher, Hefty abacus* (as club), Pen and notebook
87 Blind-writer, Staff, Blindfold and pen and ink
88 Hood-turner, Sewing needles (as dart), Fancy cloak
89 Word-tamer, Heavy dictionary (as blackjack), Ink and quill 
90 Moon-slinker, Grapple hook (as handaxe), Rope and cloak
91 Lip-stainer, Sickle (as dagger), Jar of hallucinogenic warpleberries 
92 Horn-swoggler, Begging bowl (as blackjack), Deck of marked cards  
93 Squid-wrestler, Weighted net (as flail), Sack o' stinkin' baitfish  
94 Brain-fetcher, Trephine (as dagger), Brain in a jar    
95 Spice-muddler, Secateurs (as dagger), Large sieve
96 Beast-cocker, Whip (as garrote), Very long gloves
97 Rung-runner, Grapple (as dagger), 30' rope
98 Fuzz-crusher, Hook (as dagger), Woolen jacket
99 Pelt-biter, Skinning knife (as dagger), Animal hide 
100 Eggler, Pokey fork and tongs (as dagger), Chicken and candle in velvet box 

* 1 in 6 change of breakage on impact

With thanks to Erik, Humza, Jon, Trent, Richard, Claytonian, Chris, Dak, Christopher and Zak for stepping in when my brain died.