Friday, February 22, 2013

B/X Class: Farkin'Strayans

A shitstain people from the arse end of the world, born from convict scum and their corrupt guards, Farkin'Strayans have a unique attitude towards life: it can't get any worse. For them, the woeful genetic pool they crawled from means that no matter how life turns out for them, it's a success. This unique optimism, combined with the hardiness born from the horrors of the Land of Poison and Fire, makes for an unusually up-beat larrakin adventurer that is sure to delight.

All Farkin'Strayans have the following abilities:

Requirements: Must have an Intelligence so low it confers a negative penalty; during character creation, the player may exchange points in Intelligence and add them to Constitution on a one-for-one basis. The highest attribute must be Constitution.
Prime Requisite: CON
Hit Dice: 1d10
Alignment: Any non-Lawful
Attacks: As Fighter.
Saves: As Dwarves.

Starting Equipment: Roll Int # of d20s:
All Farkin'Strayans start with a wifebeater, stubbies, flipflops and budgie smugglers, plus roll a number of d20's equal to their Intelligence on this table:

1. Case o' stubbies.
2. Stubby cooler.
3. Terry towling hat.
4. Sunnies.
5. Carton o' wine.
6. Pack of smokes and a lighter.
7. Sleeveless flanny.
8. Eskie.
9. Cricket bat.
10. Footy.
11. A dog.
12. Wallet with d6 Lobsters in it.
13. TV guide.
14. Girlie mag.
15. Tranny radio.
16. 3 Longnecks.
17. Big knife (1d6 Dam).
18. Bucket bong.
19. Doms.
20. A ute.

• SPEAK STRAYAN: A debased and vulgar twist on the Mother Tongue, full of slang, shorthand and euphemism, the 'Strayan dialect is difficult for non-speakers to understand, allowing Strayans to have coded conversations with one-another in the presence of others. Attempts to understand what Strayans are saying requires a successful Int check, with penalty equal to the average level of the Strayans involved. All Strayans understand the Mother Tongue clearly though, and can choose speak it perfectly, but normally can't be arsed.

• SHE'LL BE RIGHT: All Strayans are morally opposed to hard work, effort, and thinking, a result of their criminal genetics and the bloody heat of their homeland. Instead they are naturally gifted at making shit up as they go along and trusting things will fall in their favour. For any situation where Strayans dive in head first without planning they are allowed to add a one-off She'll be Right bonus to a single roll (equal to the Strayan's Level plus the inverse of their Intelligence penalty) once per scene.

• TAKING THE PISS: Farkin'Strayans have an inbred hatred of Authority and Excellence, and will take any opportunity to ridicule and belittle authority figures and any who are better than them (which is a lot of people). Taking the Piss requires the Farkin'Strayan to publicly mock their target with inventive invectives and roll D20+level+Charisma bonus, versus the target roll of D20+level+Wisdom bonus (the DM is encouraged to add up to +5 to the roll for genuinely funny insults by the player). Should the Strayan succeed, they are able to add the target's level to one action the following round, and the target is so thrown by the insult they suffer minus the Strayan's level to all actions for the following round.

• GROG IN THE VEINS: The ability of Farkin'Strayans to consume alcohol is the stuff of legend, having been suckled on grog since the moment of birth (all mothers of Farkin'Strayans lactate alcohol until the child is weened). Alcohol has a powerful effect on all Farkin'Strayans, and they need to consume it every day if at all possible. Alcohol leaves the system at a rate of 1 drink per hour:

Sober - (Between zero and a # of drinks < Con currently in bloodstream)
A sober Strayan is an ugly Strayan: the sun is too bright, the world too complicated. Sober Strayans suffer -2 to all rolls due to the overwhelming confusion of reality.

Tipsy - (a # of drinks between Con and Conx2 currently in bloodstream)
The natural state of a Farkin'Strayan, and they are at their happiest and most convivial. Keeping them this way is the real trick.

Pissed - (a # of drinks between Conx2 and Conx3 currently in bloodstream)
Farkin'Strayans who achieve this level of drunkeness exhibit their drunken nature by losing all willpower. They are suggestible, guilble, and must roll under their Wisdom to resist committing crimes, defacing public property, defacating in humorous locations, and hitting on anything with two legs. A Farkin'Strayan who is Pissed is in their element though, and they double the bonus to any She'll Be Right roll they make while in this state.

Hammered - (a # of drinks between Conx3 and Conx4 currently in bloodstream)
Farkin'Strayans who achieve this level of drunkeness are transformed into belligerent arseholes who just love picking fights. A Hammered Strayan feels no pain, suffers no penalties due to injury, and can remaining on their feet til they reach minus Con HP, at which point they typically fall over and die.

Absolutely Shitfaced - (a # of drinks greater than Conx4 currently in bloodstream)
A Farkin'Strayan who achieves this level of drunkeness is guaranteed pass out within Con x minutes in a pool of their own vomit; the Farkin'Strayan must roll under Con or die choking on their spew. If they're lucky enough to have a mate watching over them they may reroll the check should they fail, and have another reroll if that mate's smart enough to get the Farkin'Strayan to hospital. If they survive, they must roll under their Int or forget all events of the past 1d4 days, restoring any sanity lost during that time and adding +10 to any carousing rolls that might have occurred during this delightful phase.

In the interest of gameplay it is suggested that players calculate the cost of reaching the various stages of drunkeness before the game starts: Half the Farkin'Strayan's Con score in silver pieces to go from one level of drunkeness to the next.

• FIVE STAR PRIDE: The five-star constellation that hovers high over the Strayan homeland is a source of mystic pride, and every Farkin'Strayan about to embark on a journey abroad has one tattooed somewhere on their body. This mark of pride is a very real power, and in desperate situations Farkin'Strayans can call on this power to save them from a world of trouble. To call on the Five Star Pride the Farkin'Strayan must make a d20 roll with the following modifiers:

- Is the Farkin'Strayan drunk or hung over? +3 per level of drunkeness achieved
- Is the Farkin'Strayan injured? +1 per point of damage from the worst injury
- Is the Farkin'Strayan behind bars? +5 to the roll
- Is the Farkin'Strayan riddled with some third-world disease? +5 to the roll
- Is the Farkin'Strayan bleeding from the arse? +5 to the roll
- Is the Farkin'Strayan crying like a princess? +5 to the roll

If the roll is equal to 20 or more, one of the stars in the tattoo activates, deporting the Farkin'Strayan out of whatever predicament they're stuck in. They leave all their possessions behind wherever they were, and wash ashore on the sandy beach nearest to their hometown in the Land of Poison and Flame with 1 Hit Point to their name and a shameful walk home.

This power can only be activated once per level, and once all five stars have be activated, the power of the tattoo fades away.

• I'M NOT RACIST BUT: Call a Farkin'Strayan a racist and they'll most likely punch you in the face, but it's true: Farkin'Strayans are racist. Their small minds are only able to handle basic thought processes, and unable to differentiate individuals within larger societal subsets. Therefore they assume that all members of a culture exhibit the same traits and perform the same – cause that's what Farkin'strayans do. They think this way not because they're malicious, but because the just can't imagine anything else. This boorish behaviour means that Farkin'Strayans apply their Intelligence penalty to all social rolls with non-Strayans. They especially hate the natives from the small islands to the east of their homeland, doubling all penalties when dealing with them.

• SECRET SHAME: There are rumours that Farkin'Strayans weren't the first people to come from the Land of Poison and Fire; that an older people once lived there. Any talk about the secret genocide that the forefathers of the Farkin'Strayans committed will unnerve even the most stalwart Farkin'Strayan, making them edgy and violent and prone to genocide. Farkin' Strayans suffer a -4 penalty to all non-violent actions during this uncomfortable time, desperate to get hammered, and will remain this way until they drink enough grog to acquire the Absolutely Shitfaced condition, allowing them to forget the entire incident and walk blissfully under the sun once again.

• LIKE SHIT TO A BLANKET: Every now and then, Farkin'Strayans receive a subtle hint of how unwelcome they are in the world, a suggestion that wherever they are they really ought to fuck off. It is this adversity, this subconscious hatred by the universe that encourages Farkin'Strayans to stick together with their own mob, and reinforce and encourage their mindset and behaviour. Farkin'Strayans take courage and comfort from one another, and they gain a bonus to all rolls in the presence of each other, up to their current level:

2+ Farkin'Strayans +1 to all rolls
5+ Farkin'Strayans +2 to all rolls
10+ Farkin'Strayans +3 to all rolls
50+ Farkin'Strayans +4 to all rolls
100+ Farkin'Strayans +5 to all rolls

Which is why the Strayan army is kickarse.


  1. new game starting up tonight, lets see if I can get this past the DM


  2. Nice lemme know how you go. Also, underplay the Grog in the Veins stuff, looking at it, it seems a bit fiddly and bookkeepy and you don't want that to slow the game down.

  3. You really should make a game supplement of your own, this and "happy daisy manchester clubber" orc chick few days back are really something. I don't even pretend to understand all of this UK and the colonies brand of humour (I had hard time watching imported Benny Hill Show) but I recognize work of genius when I see it.

  4. @ Jonas - Thanks mate. So busy with other people projects at the mo I've only got time for little things like this, but yeah, wheels in motion and all that.

  5. Baaaahahahaha this is an instant classic. Time to roll up a Fitzroy Smackie.

  6. Although I guess the Fitzroy Smackie is a different class to your average beer-guzzler. Shit. Time to write: "Shazzas and Shoggoths: The Terrible Roleplaying Game of Melburnian junkies and Occult Horror"

  7. Being Strayan myself, I'd love to see a write up of the Fuckin'Whingin'Pommie-Bastard Class. :-)

  8. I think that you can only take the piss out of your own people. Strayan too.

    But the challenge is out.

    1. Yeah I agree Jez, the best parodies are by those who take the mickey out of themselves. Americans are too easy to take the piss out of and so it'd be no fun, but writing up a Pommie class (that's the English for those reading who are not Strayan) would be good laugh.

  9. Well... I know that a Canucklehead class should be forthcoming. Probably a lot simpler than these Strayans, possibly also a lot more boring.


      There ya go.