Man Rider: A Love Story

3d6 in order: Str:12 Dex:4 Con:8 Int:6 Wis:9 Cha:7

1st Level Goblin, reskinned DCC Halfling.

Session One: Cobalt Reach: Big Jim Hammercock, 1st Level Dandy, is torn in two. Roll up new character. Worst attributes in the history of D&D. Total ability modifers: -8. Can only be a legless goblin. Legless goblin joins party mid game. Quest from weirdo Snake Men Cult: defeat the Army of the Limbless Harlot. Rides into Goblin Town on the shoulders of a man, declares "I am Man Rider!" and gains a horde of pathetic goblin rabble he commands into battle. Jokes about becoming a paladin so he can Summon Man Mount.

Session Two: Cobalt Reach: Battle. Big one. Enemy: Army of the Limbless Harlot. Goblin army is destroyed. Decides best thing to do in middle of battle is loot. Grabs spear, loots from the shoulders of nameless man mount. First item found: Cursed Shield of Missile Attraction. Shield works remarkably well. Man Rider shot down. Dying.

Session Three: Cobalt Reach: Not dying, stabilized but not really awake for 90% of session exploring the citadel of the Limbless Harlot. Wakes up once to snatch some carrion crawler grubs and put them in sack as they may come in handy later; gets knocked out again. Wakes up again just in time for battle with Limbless Harlot. Thrown across room wielding paired carrion crawler grubs. Hits Harlot in face. Harlot paralysed. Job well done. Passes out.

Session Four: (missed a few sessions where ramifications of killing the Harlot are encountered. good decision. Now, first Flailsnails adventure) Joins cadre of powerful warriors summoned across space and time: feels somewhat out of place. Quest is kill the crystal meth dragon. Much planning rendered useless when Man Rider is swallowed whole. Lucky roll, survives, drinks Polymorph Into House Potion, and turns into a three room bungalow inside dragon's neck. Gets renovated. Also, cloned. Clone has legs. Man Rider hates clone. 

Session Five: Back to Cobalt Reach: rejoins party, storming another citadel to stop eeeevil elves doing eeeevil things. Fail completely. Horrifying god of chaos incarnate accidently released after honky tonk piano player killed. You can stop the music. God rises from prison. Casts Fear. Man Rider (wisely) afraid. Runs away. Loots body of fallen comrade. Comes back to help party, fights solo rearguard action against god while rest of party escapes. God proves resistant to carrion crawler paralysis. Man Rider, resourceful, tries to cut god's feet off. God amused. Spares Man Rider who cuts a deal. Man Rider is turned into a Paladin of Akayle Ozph. Looking forward to using Summon Man Mount. Also, convinces God to let him ride on his shoulders. Henceforth: God Rider.

Session Six: (another Flailsnails adventure) God Rider joins cadre of powerful warriors summoned across space and time: stop the floating citadel full of monsters from crushing city. God Rider does nothing all adventure. Loots trophy room full of monster parts. Eats a giant brain. Too full to act, watches as aspiring Lawful Good paladin-wannabe takes a gem from unusual machine. Absence of gem from machine causes floating citadel to stop floating. Citadel crashes. On city. Aspiring Lawful Good paladin-wannabe singlehandedly kills two and half thousand souls. Gains lots of XP. God Rider and company flee the ruins. Gets paladin real drunk. Paladin burns down the Blue Rabbit, most famous bar in the Flailsnails multiverse, and gets married. Good times.