Sunday, June 25, 2017

Return of the Man Rider

Previous adventures retold in gripping wordplay here!

Haven't played man Rider in a couple of years. I think there's a bit missing after the last session report above, that I will call Missing Session Twelve... but basically Man Rider survived pregnancy.


Session Thirteen (Vaults of Vyzor): Joins cadre of powerful warriors summoned across space and time. Definitely felt out of place. Dusty too. Have been frozen in carbonite for last two years. No princess to kiss when woke up. Sad, but woke. Have joined party exploring Vaults of Vyzor: Slovenia Troll plus Dog of Awesomeness +1, Barnie the well oiled muscletron plus One Eyed Otto, and one armed Yareh. She's cute. See much potential in her, especially after her one handed crossbow loading maneuvre. Convinced Muscletron to be mounted into battle. Still have oily thighs. Explored Vyzor. Found: Wolves, Hungry Like the. Wanted payment in meat. Think Slovenia made deal to feed them Man Rider. Think they would not like it. Found rope pulley thing. Pulled it. Summoned orcs. Killed orcs. Yareh hot. Corridors. Lots and lots of. Killed ghouls. Otto hurt. Otto healed. Otto blessed by Akayle Ozph. Now Otto of Prehensile Eye. Dog of Awesomeness finds secret door in back of shower. Forced to have shower. Door leads to stairs. Stairs lead to Orc lair ruled by Orc bard. Orc ambush. Have buzz saw arrows. Shear Man Rider's buttock clean off. Had worse. Win fight, healed, butt grows back in right place. More orcs. Slovenia perpetrates ruse that convinces orcs to worship Man Rider. Man Rider happy. Slovenia and rest of party kill Orc worshippers. Man Rider sad. Mandolin smashed. Yareh accepts the blessings of Akayle Ozph. Cuts arm off big Orc, wants attached to arm stump. Try to make it happen. It happens, but Akayle gives her Crows Legs as well. So hot right now. Took unrequited love and share of Orc treasure to bar. Got drunk. Lost all money, got new quest from God. Find the Unimaginable Star of Yragnnngrelfffzzzikkrraxxllarrrgghh. Oh great. All Man Rider wants is true love. Too much to ask for? Flowers for Yareh. Must remember.