Saturday, April 6, 2013

Reincarnation, New Feierland style

New Feierland is the most horrible place in the universe, and my favourite place to go adventuring in. It's run by Trent B on G+, and while playing it I've witnessed some of the most hilarious situations and unfortunate deaths, usually at the same time. Hopefully Trent will make it available to the masses at some point in the near future. It's too good a game not to.

Anyway Lame Jimmy Headshot Groinstab --- deftly played by Reece Carter --- got himself killed, and the question of reincarnation came up. 

The muse struck, and suddenly this New Feierland Reincarnation Table appeared:

Roll d100:

01. Mud
02. Shit
03. Dirt
04. A sheep's arse dag
05. A special snowflake. You melt.
06. A dog fart
07. A whiff of halitosis
08. Galoshes 
09. A broken rake
10. A blunt knife
11. A fork with all its prongs snapped off
12. Mud
13. Bad luck mud
14. The drool in the last mouthful of beer
15. Bootwipings on a doorstep
16. The toenail clipping in a harlot's bed
17. A grub
18. Shit
19. A stale cup of milk
20. The grit in someone's eye
21. Captain Alistair's belly fluff
22. His righthand man's sock
23. Rancid tripe
24. Guano
25. A mournful one-legged seagull
26. The squirming tail dumped by a lizard
27. The runt in a litter of sewer mice
28. Mud
29. The puddle in a cart track
30. One of Lady Chesterton's Spoodles
31. A slab of meat in a butcher's window
32. A pig trough
33. A pig
34. A happy pig
35. An unhappy pig
36. A fly
37. Mud
38. A lame mule
39. The most whipped nag in town
40. Shit
41. The Outhouse at the pub
42. The hivemind of one dog's worth of gnats
43. A mangy dog
44. A mangy one legged dog
45. A soggy teatowel
47. Soiled bandages at the hospice
48. A very special flavour of shit
49. A cup of tea. Tepid.
50. Mud
51. A lonely tinker's widow
52. A rusty hammer
53. A songbird in a landlord's cage
54. An off key piano
55. A hat, out of fashion
56. A headless chicken
57. Shit
58. The cat that all the kids love to kick
59. A mud filled wellington at the bottom of a paddock
60. The stuffing in a lost teddy bear
61. The rotten cork in a bottle of fine wine
62. A bent knife
63. The necrotic bite in an old man's arm
64. A two headed calf
65. A door knock resting down the bottom of the harbour
66. The most beautiful thing the world will never see
67. Shit
68. A gestalt creature made of fish heads
69. The personification of all New Feierland's regret 
70. A dried out quill
71. Mud
72. A fence post
73. A cracked bell in a church
74. A three legged stool with only two legs
75. A handless jug
76. The itch in the middle of someone's back
77. A freckle
78. Shit
79. A mop
80. A whip that never cracks
81. Arseworms in the nearest person
82. A sputtering candle
83. The handkerchief of a sweaty man
84. The shit stain on the side of a toilet bowl that everyone tries to piss away
85. A dead child's diary
86. The tick in a cow's ear
87. A disappointing meal
88. The fifth horn on a three eyed goat
89. A bucket of lard
90. Mud
91. A bloated toad
92. A blind raven
93. The oldest person alive; you have Tourette's 
94. A well loved merkin
95. The beer trough at Cooper's
96. A New Feierland baby
97. The saddle of an obese and flatulent man
98. A mud shit melange
99. An adult of the race of your choosing
100. A new god

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